


Warm or cold water?

by BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse



Series: Animals are cute [3]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Animal Transformation, Crack, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, M/M, it could go both ways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-30
Updated: 2013-12-30
Packaged: 2018-01-06 17:57:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1109863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse/pseuds/BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Kaner might be drunk and Sidney is a duck and they're still the more responsible ones.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Warm or cold water?

**Author's Note:**

> To really help intensify the crack feelings, replace the word duck with dick every single time. It takes you places. Duckies <3

Sidney Crosby is a _duck_.

Patrick isn't sure how he came to be in possession of a Crosby turned duck, but he's questioning all of his life choices.

Sidney is swimming around in his bathtub, the water rippling around his movements. Jonny sits on his bathroom counter, head in his hands. Fleury is with them too, crouched by the tub and flicking water at his captain, cackling every time Crosby's feathers twitch, the water rolling right off of him.

"So, can you please explain this to me again?" Jonny asks, his fingers rubbing at his temples.

"I'm not sure," Fleury says, cooing at Crosby, causing him to squawk in outrage. "I went to his house, Vero wanted to invite him over for dinner before he went to Nova Scotia for the summer. I found him tangled in his pants, feathers ruffled."

There's a splash and then Fleury's wrestling with an angry duck. Patrick watches blankly, his voice had left him when he's found a grinning Penguin with a duck in his arms at his door. Jonny is up and trying to wrangle Crosby, bumping limbs with Fleury and cursing. Crosby let's out a loud shriek and suddenly Jonny's in his tub and Fleury is blinking water out of his eyes, his entire body soaked from the splash. Patrick wants to laugh, he does, but there's still a hockey player turned animal in his house and it's all so surreal. He feels a tug on his pant leg and he looks down to find an angry Crosby, his webbed feet stamping below him, soft wet smacking sounds filling the silence. He glances back up at the other two, watches them bicker and argue, water flying everywhere, and bends down to pick up Crosby, carrying him out of the loud bathroom.

He heads into his kitchen, the arguing fading and drowned out by silence when he finally enters. He heads straight for his sink, patting himself on the back for doing his dishes just the night before. He fills up one side of the sink, pausing before it's not even a quarter full.

"Do you like cold or warm water?" Patrick mumbles out, glancing at the twitching duck to his left.

Crosby ruffles his feathers, a shrug if Patrick has ever seen one. Considering he's a hockey player, and from Canada, Patrick puts on the cold water instead. He waits for a bit before adding just a bit warm water and then shutting off the foset.

"I'm picking you up," Patrick says, lifting Crosby and slowly lowering him into the sink, trying to let him adjust to the water. Patrick watches him float for a second, his gaze meeting Crosby's. Patrick pauses, before shaking his head and heading back to his bathroom. He reuses to get into a staring contest with a duck.

He walks into the bathroom to receive a large wave of water right to the face. Patrick wants to get mad, he does, because _what the fuck_ , but he just sighs, wondering when he became the adult in this situation.

"Sorry, Kaner," Jonny says, wincing as he climbs out of the nearly empty bathtub.

"I'd say sorry too, but if I wouldn't have ducked, it would have hit me," Fleury says, untangling himself from the side of the bath tub. Fleury snorts after a second and Jonny raises his eyebrow. "Nothing, just," Fleury starts, " _ducked_."

Jonny breathes in heavily before letting out a shocked laughed. Patrick leaves the bathroom.

Crosby is still hanging out in the tub, kind of curled up and cozy looking. He perks up when Patrick walks back into the room, his head bobbing slightly.

"Fleury's making awful duck jokes and Jonny is laughing at them. You're a duck and I'm pretty sure I'm still drunk from last night. When did we become the responsible ones?" Patrick asks, resting his elbow on the counter and laying his chin in his hand.

Crosby let's out a huffing sound and floats in a circle.

"Right, right. You were already responsible. When did _I_ become responsible? Answer me that, Crosby."

Crosby just quacks.

Patrick rolls his eyes and says, "Answer me that, _Sidney_."

Sidney suddenly jumps out of the sink, waddling over to Patrick's arm. He head butts Patrick's forearm, looking up at Patrick and not making a sound. Patrick stares back, his previous decision not to get into a staring contest now out the window. They stare at each other for a moment longer, Patrick's left eye starting to twitch, when he hears a crash and muffled curses from down the hallway. 

Patrick glances back, the noises getting louder as they come closer. He turns to Sidney, who's still staring at him, and asks, "How weird would it be for me to be seen with a duck?"

Patrick is out the door with Sidney in his arms by the time Jonny and Fleury reach the kitchen.

**Author's Note:**

> I STARTED OUT WRITING 'SIDNEY CROSBY IS A DICK' AND I MISSPELLED IT AND MY SID/PATRICK SOULBOND FIC I WAS GOING TO WRITE TURNED INTO A SIDNEY GOT TURNED INTO A DUCK FIC AND FOR SOME UNKNOWNREASON FLOWER BRINGS HIM TO PATRICK AND JONNY??? THEN JONNY AND FLOWER ACT LIKE CHILDREN AND KANER AND SID THE DUCK ARE JUST DONE WITH THEIR SHIT. THEN I IMAGINED EVERYTIME I WROTE DUCK I ACTUALLY SPELLED IT RIGHT AND OMG.


End file.
